Doing Fifty with the Brakes On

You know what I’m talking about. When did you start noticing the subtle differences of aging? Those slight twinges and twitches, the popping knee cap when climbing the stairs, the locking elbow when reaching for something. Just know this, you are not alone. More importantly, know this; it’s going to get worse.

The first time I really noticed I was changing was about twenty years ago. I was driving to work, reached down to switch the radio station and apparently moved the car too far to the right and slit both right tires on ice sticking out from the bottom of a snow bank. I was just switching stations! Did I fall asleep while switching stations?

Have you ever been on the highway doing twenty-five in heavy traffic and look in your rear view mirror for ‘not even a second’ and the car in front of you is at a dead stop? You slam on your breaks causing a scene with the screeching tire sounds. Oy.

These are the tell tale signs of the start of the aging process. Your reaction time is shot!

I remember my mother would struggle to stand on a chair, say to change a light bulb, one foot on the chair and the rest of her would do a hopping, jump, step thing trying to generate enough momentum to get up on the chair. I’d say, “Ma, what are you doing?” “Getting up on the chair.” As if this was some normal process she went through. Now, I don’t get up on chairs, ladders, or any other item more than two feet high, equilibrium is shot!

I remember not so long ago, I’d watch TV sitting on the floor cross-legged for hours! Now I can’t get down on the floor unless I’ve set up a ramp contraption so I can get back up, knees are shot!

My two previous favorite hobbies: to sew and to read, don’t do that too much anymore, my eyes are shot!

So is this the grand finale of it all? You grow up, have children, they grow up and now you finally have the time to do the things you want to do and you cannot? How cruel. But this explains a lot, the elderly driver going 20MPH in a 50MPH zone – Reaction Time. The elderly couple with their Christmas lights still up in August – Equilibrium. The elderly woman pulling out of her driveway seemingly without looking - can’t see anyway.

So we end up leaving this world the exact way we came into it… blind, wobbly, and in diapers. Damn, I wish someone told me this earlier!