Ode to My Sweater

Where do I begin to tell the story ~Of how great a love can be ~The sweet love story that is older than the sea ~The simple truth about the … oh, sorry, wrong story.

I have this sweater. I believe I have had this sweater for over ten years. It is something the average tasteful person would not buy so I must have bought it really cheap. It is multi-toned brown patch work. It is a big button down the front kind of sweater that has this huge floppy big collar and has fake stitching around every edge, as you might imagine some back woods-woman was hand sewing this sweater during the winter of 1983, especially for me. The best thing about my sweater is its warmth and softness. All other sweaters are measured to this one sweater and none have come close.

I have worn this sweater everywhere. When it was new I’d wear it over a shirt for work; as it got older I retired it to wearing it outside of work; now, older still, I can no longer wear it out of the house. My sweater is succumbing to the inevitable end of its 100% acrylic life. It’s journey began many years ago from Korea by ship. Making its way across the vast sea to our shores where it was rescued by a White Stag and brought, most likely, to the nearest Wal-Mart, until the day I found it and brought it home.

Now my sweater bears life’s hardships, although it still has its original five buttons, the button holes are each two to three inches wide, the edge stitching once so careful sewn by a back woods-woman is now a thread of its original beauty, and the saddest part of all, my sweater is now so thread-bare, I must wear a sweater over my sweater to have any warmth.

But I will not send my sweater to the big yarn pile, as some have suggested. Each week I proudly bring my sweater to the laundry mat with all my other so-called warm shirts and wash and dry it as it remains part of my daily winter wardrobe. But alas, this may be the last holiday my sweater will see. I feel soon it will just give up and unravel itself…

The Power (ball) Concept

Today I decided I am going to win that elusive Powerball and I’m going to win tonight! I am getting bored being poor. Tonight the jackpot amount is: $130,000,000.00.

One hundred – thirty million dollars.

Yes, okay, I would have to pay taxes in the tune of 65 million. (Estimating half) but, SO! That would leave me approximately 65,000,000.00. I think if I really tried, maybe I’d have to clip coupons for a while, but I could get by on this amount.

For years I’ve been thinking…exactly what would I do if at 11:05 PM tonight I knew I had won Powerball? Here is my list of activities:

1. Make a fresh pot of coffee.

2. Make one phone call. To my oldest – I call her and say: “Get down here” and hang up and she knows what I mean, we’ve discussed this before. Once she arrives, we pick up her sister at school. (she doesn’t know yet) We arrive, unannounced.

3. We leave.

4. Can’t tell you where, but you’ll hear from us again.

This four step plan prevents the four of us from “disappearing off the face of the earth” if you know what I mean!

Once we are in our safe house, we get down to business.

1. Hire the most obscure financial person I can find. Let’s say, Zachary Zimmerman. Someone wayyy at the end of the phonebook, someone who couldn’t possibly be popular or corrupt. Perhaps I’ll look up and call an old colleague, “hey, want to make a few bucks?”

2. Trust funds would be set up for the family. Instead of trying to figure out who would get what amount, it would be easier to say… how many in your immediate family? 5? Okay 500,000.00 to you. Six people? Okay, 600,000 to you.

Now don’t start calling me cheap, this is just a start. Something you can get by on until I can get back around to you again. Now while I’m busy taking care of things I expect you all to pay off your bills, your houses, cars, loans, whatever you got going so you have that one opportunity in life to: “start new”. Because let’s be realistic, I’m the millionaire, if I had a job I could quit. You cannot. You’ll be quite comfortable, with all your bills paid your paycheck is YOURS!

3. There are a few people I need to take care of outside the family. People who have assisted me in the past when I needed help. They will be taken care of. The girl at the convenient store, who sold me the ticket, won’t need to work there anymore, at eight dollars per hour how much is that going to cost me?

4. My ex-colleague accountant friend will also administer a project for me. Somehow, someway, I want one person picked per month, and all their monthly bills would be paid for the month. Sometimes people just need a break just to get ahead a little.

5. I would set up a team of intelligent people, no, not politicians. No, not religious fanatics. No, not... well, I’d pick a group of people. I don’t want this to sound cruel (it probably will, but it’s not my intent) but this group will study the homeless. I want to know, if you are homeless, “why are you in New England in November?” … YOU KNOW WINTER IS COMING!

I understand there are many types of homeless people, some really need to be put in hospitals, some are addicted to drugs, some are alcoholics, but those people who have falling on hard times, why are you staying here?

This is one thing I could never understand. Go south. You won’t freeze to death and when spring comes head back if you want. Please don’t think I am cruel. I just don’t get the logic. If I ever became homeless, I’d give it my best shot up here to get a job again, but, when things are looking hopeless, I’d start heading south. Maybe start in September and walk if I had to. Do five or ten miles a day, what else am I doing? It not like you’d have to walk to the Florida Keys; South Carolina is warm enough in the winter.

So, my team would try to figure out why someone is homeless, what could be done to make this person not homeless, and if they wanted, provide transportation. Give them a little cash, a few supplies to get started. Maybe send them down to hook up with a Habitat for Humanity group and volunteer to help build a house and then a volunteering carpenter sees their work ethic and hires them. You never know. It worth the chance, it’s better than trying to keep warm over a city subway grate.

6. Finally, my new job would be a philanthropist. I would love to be able to take one or two people, say in high school, maybe freshmen and set them up. “Do this, do this, wear this, learn this”, whatever, right through to college. Some person who wouldn’t have this opportunity if someone doesn’t guide them. (Oh please, trust me, it wouldn’t be ME guiding them, I’d have to hire someone who knows what they are doing).

I’d also like to do that for maybe an older person. You know how you meet that ultra-polite grocery store stockman and you think to yourself, “why the hell is this guy doing this job?” , especially when you have met so many assholes in your life who are in these great jobs by sheer luck! I would like to set this person up on the right track. Maybe go to the Donald Trump School of Management, where after two years he returns and fires all the assholes that gave him shit when he was stocking shelves. That would be cool.

That’ll get me through Day 1 of being a millionaire.

It’s now 10PM…one hour to go; if you don’t hear from us, we’ll be in touch!

As my first semester of my return to school comes to an end I thought I’d spend a moment to reflect on some highlights of what I have learned.

I forget sometimes when I’m speaking to people, they don’t know me. These people are age’s 20 through 50+; it’s quite a mix bag of people, from all walks of life, from all sorts of businesses and business levels.

We had a discussion on the topic of, “What would it take or is it too late for U.S. businesses to stop outsources to overseas companies?” (and therefore US workers would keep their jobs.)

I wrote, what I called a simple plan of action, which I thought was quite thorough.

Here is my plan to reduce (not eliminate) outsourcing:

The first thing that needs to happen is to stop the bleeding.

The Federal Government needs to step in (as they do with other things) and before a company just shuts down and leaves, ask the following questions:

What are you doing?

And

Why are you doing this?

New rules would be implemented to assist businesses in making the right decisions, help reduce unemployment and help the business become more profitable.

BE EFFICIENT!

Before a company moves they must show they have tried all the so called management programs; MRP/Six Sigma/Lean MFG whatever, they have tried something! If they haven’t they must try one technique for a period of one year. They must report these monthly numbers to some branch of the government.

This would not be too unusual as there are other reports sent into the government on a regular basis, i.e. OSHA information, Safety information, etc. This could be called: Efficiency Report

EXTRA CHARGES!

Before final approval has been granted for a company to outsource they should be made aware of some tough regulations such as: Components coming back into this country from an outsourced business, are be subject to some special import tariff. Before final approval the business must recalculate all the numbers that showed the savings they would receive by outsourcing, and include in these numbers this tariff, to see if it is still cost effective to move overseas.

MADE WHERE ??? !!

If it’s still cost effective to move, the business must be made aware of the following:

Components produced in a foreign country, assembled here in the U.S. and then sold, cannot say:

“Made in the USA” (And by the way imports from Asia or Europe are not NAFTA produced so these products will incur some other charges when exported to Mexico or Canada)

RETRAIN OUTGOING EMPLOYEES!!

Employees of the firm planning to leave the U.S. must be given a one year notice. (currently it is 90 days) This will allow them the opportunity to find another position in the last six months.

During this one year period employees should be taking the same manufacturing efficiency courses the firm is conducting for the government. (MRP, Six Sigma, Lean Mfg) This will not only keep the business moving, it will provide small efficiencies for the company during this one year period to help recoup monies lost and also for the employee, will give them an asset for their next employer.

During this one year period, if the company shows in good faith progress in the efficiency numbers, the training performed, they will receive a federal tax reduction, again to offset monies lost during this one year period.

The future:

I believe right now the way the economy is everyone is in a panic. We have been through other financial downturns in the past and have recovered. I believe back then we wouldn't think about using a foreign country to produce product. We rode it out and we recovered. If business is not willing to ride this out, the economy will never recover.

Take the small mom-and-pop businesses that are producing product in Anytown, USA. If these people don't stay in business, it effects: the local restaurant, the truck driver, UPS pickups, the landscaper, etc. multiply this by 10,000 mom-and-pop businesses. Now bring it up a level to an IBM, Ford, Coca-Cola, these firms are typically employing half a town! What if these firms decide, 'nah let's just move it all over to Singapore' ???

Maybe these corporations need to stop (for a short period of time) putting the buck in front of everything else and remember where they came from AND WHO GOT THEM THERE!

THE NOW UNEMPLOYED CONSUMERS.

Some people in my class called me a Socialist!! Go Figure.

Okay I’ve finally done it!

I’m finally a student. I’ve been really busy the past few weeks trying to keep up with the “kids”. Yes, I might be spending seven plus hours a day: reading a chapter, writing notes about the chapter, doing three individual assignments, writing theme papers, responding intelligently (I think anyway) to questions place on our discussion board, and you my friend can flip through the book after work and write two line responses and feel you’ve done it… well you haven’t done it. Yes, you may have a job and work forty to fifty hours a week, and, yeah okay, you’re chasing after two toddlers, but I have my distractions too! Yes, yes I do. I have a short attention span, cracky knees, bad eyes, and non-dexterous finger tips. I could almost apply for and receive social security. But no. I’m using my reserve energy at 3:30 in the afternoon to finish one of the above named tasks. And you know, there’s one thing I have that you don’t have. Determination! That’s right, Determination. And what does that mean exactly? Well that means I’m sticking with it, I know this will be one of the last times that I attended classes. The last time I’ll be changing my career. I know it’s your time. I know this. I accept this. But I’m determined to finish this. And you young lady or young man don’t take education for granted. To learn something new every day is a gift.

And one more thing… I got an “A” on my term paper …what did you get?

Bitacchhhh!

So what do you think of autumn so far?

Autumn, or Fall, as we usually call it, is one of those seasons that can go either way. It can be considered; a cooling from the summer heat, a transition to what we know is coming, or simply the beginning of Winter. You remember Winter don’t you? It’s that time of year when, if you really must leave your house, you do so dressed like Na-Nook of the North.

Everyone has heard the story of how one or both of your parents had to walk five miles to school in blizzards. I’ve checked there hasn’t been a year in the annals of weather recordkeeping where any city, anywhere, has had blizzards every school day. So you can just tell your parents … well, you know what you can tell them.

Autumn, the leaves here in Connecticut are starting to turn bright red and orange and like any New England day it could be seventy degrees today and forty-five tomorrow. It’s the time of year when mum planting, pumpkin selections, and apple picking is taking place every weekend. Families are off to the fairs.

We then prepare for that blessed holiday, Halloween. My favorite. I may have mentioned this before but it is truly the only holiday where you can please people with twenty-five cents worth of candy. And they are happy. Try putting twenty-five cents worth of candy under your Christmas tree. It’s not going to work.

Following Halloween, that great family tradition of Thanksgiving – or as I like to call it, Food-a-thon. How many other days in the year do you sit down to a deliciously cooked meal and you’re already full? So why are we still making all that food? No one has given you permission to go off your, healthy living-low carb-low calories-lifestyle changing eating plan. So why do it? This year we are not, oh, we’ll have a turkey and definitely cranberry sauce, but we are going to be eating lite this year. Sweet Potatoes instead of mashed. Sautéed Brussels sprouts, boiled onions, maybe pie. Custard pie. And we are making enough for leftovers!

Don’t forget to donate to your local food pantry’s – visit a retirement home – write a letter to a soldier (hand writing not emailed) – do what’s right.

START NOW! , get a basket, throw in 2-3 canned vegetable this week, a box of stuffing mix next week, some pudding mix, and so on, you won’t even notice and when you go and pick up you big 35 pound turkey, grab a small frozen one, you know the 8-10 pound ones. What will that be $6.00? And deliver that to the family across the street whose father was laid off in September, or deliver it to the elderly couple down the road.

Times are tough for everyone, I know and things will get worse, many people are out of work. We need to help each other out.

Always remember my life’s motto: There’s always someone out there worse off than you!

What’s Wrong with Using a Power Chair?

Power Chairs. You’ve seen them on TV. The old lady who receives her new power chair doing wheelies in her kitchen, she’s doing her parade wave as she spins slowly around and smiling.

You’ve probably also have seen the power chair gang commercial where everyone outside (where ever they are) are riding in their power chairs. Yes, okay that one is a little un-nerving. But what’s wrong with having one or just using one in Wal-Mart?

I’ve seen plenty of people tooling around in Stop N Shop using them. Okay so you think when you see the extremely overweight person using the power chair that if they just got up and walked, they’d be in better shape and maybe wouldn’t need a power chair. Let’s assume they have other issues.

The power chair is fast becoming a symbol of, well, POWER! Imagine: you tool around your house in your power chair, get in your car and drive to the store, where you get yourself loaded into the stores powered carriage and do your power shopping.

Think about, don’t you give the right of way in the aisle to a power chair person? Of course, it’s polite. So you’re doing your power chair shopping, you are relaxed, you cash out, back in your car, get back home, and back into your private power chair – and you haven’t even broke a sweat!

Man…what a life. I want one!

For the younger crowd. Seriously my town, East Hampton, Connecticut, has just opened a new store. Are you ready for this? It’s called: Scooter-town. This townie went out and purchased fifteen to twenty scooters, (similar to a Vesper, but smaller) and sells them. You drive by the store and they are all line up on the grass, all different colors. There are colorful flags stuck in the grass...It’s something to see. The sad part of this is he isn’t what you would call a ‘healthy man’ – he is rather large and it’s a visual struggle to watch him riding one of the scooters around town at 10MPH. Not a good advertisement. No, it’s not. I bet the old lady in her power chair could beat him going uphill while doing wheelies and waving.

I might suggest to him to add a new line of power chairs.

The Ugly American Customs

The other day in class someone said, “Why are we expected to following and obey other country’s customs, but when they come here (to the U.S) they don’t follow our customs?”

So I’m thinking…What exactly are the customs of the U.S

First I thought it would be best to define what a custom is, as opposed to something being a tradition or culture.

Definition: A usage or practice common to many or to a particular place or class, or habitual with an individual. Long established practice considered as unwritten law. So yeah… the definition didn’t help me.

So I quizzed my good friend, Mr. Internet… and although I found the information I was looking for, I had to find it on web pages that were made for people coming to the United States.

Our customs are very generic – holidays, 4^th of July (but not Easter or Christmas or Chanukah) ... fried chicken, meatloaf with tomato sauce on top, county fried steak, Thanksgiving (another food related thing), so I’ve come to the conclusion that we really don’t have any US customs. (with the exception of partying and food!)

America is ultimately a nation of immigrants and as a result is a cultural mish-mash in every sense of the word. Not only is the country populated by people from foreign countries but all Americans in one way or another trace their ancestry back to another culture, whether Irish, German, Italian or Scottish. Looking around any major city one will notice the ‘melting-pot’ that it is. (stolen from the web)

I believe to solve this problem we have to make a decision – a federal decision!

The United States does not have an official language. (can you believe that?) Eighty-two percent of the population speaks English, but apparently the federal government hasn’t decided yet what the language should be. Why?

While searching for the incredible information above, I did find some critical warnings provided to our visiting international friends, please pass these on to your foreign friends:

When two Americans are standing and talking to each other they stay at least 16 inches away from each other. (else they will be labeled and possibly beat up)

In America, time is a very important commodity. People 'save' time and 'spend' time as if it were money in the bank. (so please, make sure you stop and ask for assistance I am sure each of us will stop and politely help)

It is also not acceptable to spit, blow your nose with your fingers or urinate on the street. 

(damn, I wish someone told me this – no wonder I get looked at strangely)

Can you imagine the look on the face of the 75 year old Finnish grandmother coming to the US to visit her grandkids after reading that?! No wonder the rest of the world calls us the Ugly Americans!